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[Aug. 11th, 2007|12:28 am] |
bizarre post, even for me
now I can be a little odd and very protective over my characters but i was discussing it today with my beta about happy endings
Isaid you owed it to your reader to give them the RIGHT ending, and hesaid you owed it to your characters to give them happy ones
we'll be arguing that when we're old and heads in jars sat next to each other
but the question came up over whether you owe a a level of care to the characters in your care, notably the minors
in this case we' were talking about the anime boys
ie Nagi, Ed Elric, the POT mass, the naruto shinobi, the gundam boys and so forth
mostly we age them up
but sometimes we write them the age they are and the question was where do you draw the line
Iread a particularly moving fic in which schuldig slept with crawford toprotect nagi, not because crawford was like that but because it was theonly way Crawford knew, so Crawford repeated the abuse he'd taken as aboy, on Schuldig who protected Nagi
this is what i mean, I'm nottalking the heavens opening up and a diminutive Irish lady appearingout of the sky with a rolling pin to batter meanies that might pick onthem
these boys are very mature and have gone through terriblethings in their short lives and so they might be ready to makedecisions we don't want them to make, but making these decisionsbecause they feel that they're ready is completely justified, lets alsoremember what we were like at that age... so if Nagi and Omi turn intoa writhing beast down a dark alley is it abuse?
I pointed out thatif they had decided that they were old enough to do it they were oldenough to cope with the consequences, pretty much the same tone mymother took when she put the rolling pin back down.
but then we getto Alphonse, who is permanently 10 years old, runs down the gardenwaving her hands and screaming I'm not listening la la la at themention of him having anything other than teaparties with Alicia
that'swhat i mean when i say a moral responsibility for them, Ed might beready, he might step out early of his own volition to control the lastthing left to him, but Al, would you let him, or would you stand IzumiCurtis fashion with the rolling pin and say "you try it young man...." |
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| testing testing |
[Aug. 5th, 2007|12:43 pm] |
this is just a test to see if I can get semagic to work
please ignore |
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[Aug. 3rd, 2007|01:32 pm] |
H
i've done the test twice now
and the first time i got 96.6 and the second time 96.4 (why oh why couldn't these be results for something i studied for)
I have to tell the doctor, apparently anything under 97.2 is questionable. |
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[Jul. 27th, 2007|12:19 am] |
I'm going to have to go to the doctors
i went from having periods every three months to having half a period about once a week
I am growing a beard, and i have the most chronic period pains
dont wanna go see her, but gonna have to
at least i have no problems talking to men about my reproductive system
stomach aches, insomnia, other fun things so we're going to have to talk to her, but knowing my ability to go to the doctor it will most likely be dr brown or someone
I thought it was the antidepressants - but there's weight gain as well
I don't eat a lot, and even controlling my diet nothing is happening
something's wrong, probably nothing worrying - but i have to go see her, and I'll have to do it on my own with mum in belfast
oh joy, maybe i can get dad to take me
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha |
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[Jul. 24th, 2007|05:55 pm] |
today is not a good day, H
It started well enough, I got up at half ten thinking it was half three and i better move before i was forcably ejected from my little nest. I must get a clock in there
poddling along, lace knitting a dollfie shawl, if it was human sized I'd have to kill someone, it's so fine and delicate and dainty it takes about four hours to knit an inch, i know, I knit it
I want to write but I'm having a good old fashioned crisis of the faith, I had to tell ducky that she was OOC, which i didn't want to do
I have a line in my head which the story is not ready for yet but i can't write to get it going
"torture takes six forms, hot; cold; sharp; blunt; restraint and release, everything is a variation of these simple principles"
I reread Sam Watkins and found myself thinking it was shite
totally and utterly shite
I have August booked to write an original and if i continue in this mood I won't manage it
the tefl thing, have you booked it yet, I can on tuesday and i want to check with you before i do it, i can get my funding back, there's no problem there, but sometimes I just want a little reassurance
sometimes i plan to go abroad, little things like maybe buying an ipod for a long plane journey (my mp3 isn't much better for than carrying files) or a new gameboy because they don't really make games for the one i have anymore.
i am listless and confused
the paul mckenna plan doesn't appear to be working as well it ought, I'll put in my walkman so it does the freaky ear thing, apparently that's the best way to do it but my own theory is that my metabolism is shot, i swear i don't get hungry so how can i follow his rules. I must have been a native american in a past life because that's the way it works
mum wanted me to use the sewing machine to fix her dark brown trousers but then i was at fault because i only had black thread and used a zigzag stitch because it's stronger, I just had to pick it all out
I just want to sit in the quiet place and put my hands over my head until it all goes away - but it never does
as i said, today is not a good day
I have a headache
oh i didn't tell you, I got new glasses, dark brown horn rimmeds like thora birch, I need my hair cut again, I'll work that out for next tuesday but the bank in their infinite wisdom have broken my account, i locked my pin in a fit of utter blondeness and the system i have to use to unlock it is broken. So far I've been to town and allenton to fix it and nada - town on sat was fun they had the parade! talk about collywobbles, i'm shaking telling mum i need tea and she's no you need to get home and i'm get take away i can drink it on the fricking bus.
Vedra came, pity the weather's not up to taking her to the castle
I have a lovely pattern for a medieval style dress I'm going to make her. |
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[Jul. 23rd, 2007|04:12 pm] |
i forgot
okay 223
40, 41, 51
but three cups of coffee and toast later, I've actually been up for six hours now
so there might be some variation
maybe i do need to fish out DDR |
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[Jul. 16th, 2007|03:51 pm] |
another monday another weigh in
measurements are 40, 41, 51
and 222 pounds
hmmmmmm
i didn't listen to Mr Mckenna as much this week
and have had more coffee than previously
must work on that
also running out of pills so on half dose - sleeping like dead thing
was writing more than knitting this week, possibly why weight loss less than previous
2 pounds is not a great amount ot have put back on
it's possible if i weigh myself tomorrow they'll have gone because of natural shifting and what not
and I've also drank lots of water today
so i'll do this again tomorrow |
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[Jul. 9th, 2007|12:47 pm] |
another monday another boring weigh in
220 (no difference although i stood on the scales yesterday afternoon because i could and 231 and nearly died - stupid digital scales, not the ones i normally use)
I moved them aroudn the room and got three different readings
then used thme in the same place one after the other and got three different readings - are you supposed to use the average?
okay measurements
40, 42, 51
it's getting noticeable, I don't appear to be losing weight, just inches
i must admit the roll between the stomach and boobs is smaller, almost not there when I'm stood up
but 4inches is a bit of a difference
I've been taking my chemical death iron supplement daily
and plenty of fruit and chewing my food thoroughly although I'm not too sure i did yesterday
I changed the disk to "train your mind to slim your body" and it was doing nothing for me so i went back to "secrets of naturally slim people" |
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[Jul. 4th, 2007|04:22 pm] |
I went to the shop on my own again today
I needed to get some fabric so i could make some clothes for 'Vedra
I think 'Vedra has stuck more than Saavedra
apparently I'm 12th in the queue so in a fortnight allegedly
which isn't so bad, they've been totally open
yes I'm avoiding talking about going to the shop
strange looks as i recited the litany against fear over and over and over again
it does help
when you're not making that hiccupy I'm going to cry noise
I'm all at odds and ends, I'm going to do some sewing tonight, come hell or high water
as soon as i calm down enough that I'm not going to spazz out/cry/be sick |
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[Jul. 2nd, 2007|03:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | sleeper - sale of the century | ] |
and it/s monday again
well, let's see
I'm just starting my second cup of coffee
and there are sausage rolls in the fridge of which I'm on my third
I've also had two hob nobs and a wagon wheel, but in my defence I've been up since 11
I measured in at 41, 43, 52
but 220 (224 with trousers, slippers and tee), 220 without
bearing in mind that I completely forgot and have eaten and all sorts today before the weigh in, that's good, I'll have to double check it with the electronic scales because that means I've shed 4 pounds in a fortnight, mostly, it looks like, from my bosom
the iron supplement seems to be working, although it tastes like chemical death, I appear to be brighter, enough that Dad noticed it
it still tastes like someone died in it
I'll start on monday with a smaller dose of the anti depressants because that way the iron will have had nearly a month to get into my system
I think I might be on this stuff for life
bleugh
i wonder how much this weight loss can be attributed to paul mckenna, how much to being diligent, how much to caffeine withdrawl and how much to knitting |
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[Jun. 29th, 2007|12:07 am] |
I've just woken up from my nap, it lasted a lot longer than i thought it would
I think I'm pushing it a bit in this one day on one day off routine
if i hadn't been so thirsty i think i would have slept through
brain still feels half asleep though
wrists kinda achy, too much knitting
apparently I knit very tightly which makes it worse according to mum
lets see
i had 2 cups of coffee, 1 cup of tea and 1 glass of diet pepsi
2 madonna biscuits, three apples, 1 banana, and 2 sausage and mushroom cobs for dinner
because I didn't fill this in yesterday I had 2/3 cups of coffee, nobody's really sure least of all me, 1 cup of tea and 2 glasses of diet pepsi, this is still a lot less for me
umm, what did i eat, i had a spam fritter left over for breakfast, and umm, chicken bites and oven chips with salad for dinner, and possibly 2 madonna biscuits, but no nap
I've been to the shop every day as well, not on my own, with the dog, but I've been out
I'm still mostly asleep
I have to start making clothes for Saavedra soon, just knitting like a loon, I made this little corsetty thing today, meant to be for 'Vedra but when i followed the pattern ended up being too small for Belle
I also watched the most godawful movie today, so bad i actually left the room rather than change the channel, so if you see it on channel 5 in the wee hours do not watch Transylvania twist
I should know better, the whole Zone Horror Channel is piss poor but now and again, usually in the day, you find some lost black and white gem - this wasn't it.
the writing bug is starting to get fractious too
will have to do some writing to keep her controlled or god knows what will happen |
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[Jun. 25th, 2007|02:31 pm] |
well, it's monday
I've stood on the scales
and done the measuring,
it's only been a week and I need to kickstart my metabolism I know that
my measurements are 44, 43, 52
and my weight is 223
so I've lost a pound, mostly water off my hips by the looks of it
I really need to get my metabolism going
but a pound in a week is good
I'm boiling some eggs now, I seem to remember that eggs speed up the metabolism well, as does warm water in the morning, I had my iron supplement (still bleuchy)
well, I'm now going to fix my laptop as it is now reformatted and works so i need to put everything back on it |
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[Jun. 24th, 2007|12:51 pm] |
the new iron supplement tastes like death
that is all |
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[Jun. 23rd, 2007|02:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | shakira - how do you do | ] |
I didn't eat all my dinner last night, but i had two fresh baked rolls even though i was full
I felt so bloated after that
they were really tasty though,
i had chicken skewers and stir fry
today i've had an apple and a hash brown that was cooked and just calling to me, I've had two cups of tea and plenty of water
I had to change my iron supplement, i mix this one with pure juice, I got a month's supply, so we'll see, it's more expensive but the pharmacist says it shouldn't make me sick,
i bought boston an ice lolly because he was an angel on his walk
mum and dad have gone to pick paula up from the airport, which means they'll be in in a minute and she'll be raving about magaluf, such a classy place.
I'm almost excited about going abroad, and even teaching there, funny how things fall in place once you make a decision (or have it made for you, thanks H)
I've almost finished the first of the orange sweaters and I have finished the first series of Saiyuki, ah ja ne
i feel almost energetic, wasted like I'll fall asleep if i sit still, but buzzing, does that make sense? |
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[Jun. 22nd, 2007|07:23 pm] |
this is probably the best place to put this
bear with me, and no, H, I've not gone strange, I genuinely believe this is true
I started reading hard core philosoohy with Roussea at 14, and to this day he is the philsopher I agree with most, probably because his books made me laugh
with power comes responsibility
the only way to be free is to remove yourself from responsibility, therefore power does not bring freedom, impotence does
only when no one expects anything of you will you be asked to do nothing
impotence is probably the only way to achieve anything
when one is impotent no one labels them by potential or work owned, there is no great looming of success or failure, there is only the moment
therefore to be free, truly free, there can be no god, there can be no wealth, there only is
the only way this can be achieved is through death
we have one life to live, live it the way you want to, because all will be wiped clean when you die and only then will you be free. |
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[Jun. 22nd, 2007|05:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | complacent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | placebo -special k | ] |
well it's half five, I haven't eaten anything since i updated last, nor am i hungry
I had two cups of coffee and am now drinking mint tea
the thing about mint tea is i can drink totally copious amounts of it
I think it's time to actually share my writing journal
i was knitting whilst i finished saiyuki, need the next series now, but it's subbed so i can't manage the same trick, I'll actually have to pay attention
the devil may cry anime was shiny
hmmm
anyway, I just thought I'd post this to say i was starting a writing journal, i was going to put it on gj but it's shite, this one is much better, i'll set it up here i think, they call their communities asylums. I suppose that makes a lot of sense. |
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[Jun. 22nd, 2007|01:36 pm] |
hmm, I've been up for hours now
I had shredded wheat for breakfast and there is an ambulance next door but it would be incredibly rude to go around and ask if anything was wrong
there was no sirens and the driver didn't seem in much of a rush, but it doesn't mean we don't worry
I've almost finished the first series of saiyuki and the knitting is coming along fine, I wrote a bit of brk3 last night, probably almost a page,
the chinese slimming tea has it's usual effect, as in the first hour is spent, as always, on the toilet, not a laxtive per se but it just aids digestion to the point where anything you've kept in there for anything longer than it should will be flushed out, lets see, drink piao yi tea - bring a book.
P referred to me as being bigger than him so i called him out on it
i have decided that there is no point in just ignoring him, calling his bluff works so much better, I'm not going to accept anything any more,
there is a saying in the writing world that people need one good friend but writers need one good enemy
yes, i still get tired, yes, I am still weak, but I'm not going to let it stop me. |
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[Jun. 22nd, 2007|12:25 am] |
wool arrived today, at 9.30, went back to bed, peter woke me when he came in from work
not good, i didnt mean to sleep that long
the wool is gorgeous mind
a sweater front already done
today i have eaten 1 banana, 3 small sausage rolls, half a stir fry (but remember my mother's portions, so that's still a lot)and 1 bourbon cream, and there are some waffles in the fridge with my name on them
i had two cups of coffee and one cup of tea
the thing is i know I'm not eating a lot and I kinda feel guilty over what i do eat, I love apples for example but if I have one I feel like I SHOULDN'T have another one, you know
knitting is good for weight loss/caffeine reduction as you're too busy k3 p3 to get up and get something
so the caffeine thing is working
nothing happened today, i knit and watched saiyuki, parents came home, had dinner, slept, am up watched house
all in all a perfectly normal day
i must write that fic for fiesty's bday, I said i would and at this rate it'll be next year but she wants a pairing I don't normally work in
but claire's aya sweater is coming on great, I'll make one for Romy next, must get more of that wool, know i know it's really good for this, |
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[Jun. 21st, 2007|12:30 am] |
again i didn't finish my dinner, no white bread today, 1 coffee 1 tea
hmm, 3 sausages (over the course of the day) 1 bourbon cream, 2 waffles and about ten chips
I'm formatting my beloved laptop which is such a collossal pain in the ass - XP i hate you
I measured myself around the hips again, 53 this time, that's an inch
of course it's probably mostly premenstrual water but it's an inch
perhaps it is an angry inch and has left home in search of icecream and coffee |
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[Jun. 20th, 2007|02:12 pm] |
half one today before i got out of bed, and then i didnt really want to do it
i had two slices of toast with marmalade whilst watching saiyuki
I'm debating making myself a cup of coffee
I had a strange dream, it was about a boy who went on tour with a rock star to film him (ala almost famous) but it wasnt what he wanted and he had to leave, and there was a school of magic
sometimes i think my dreams are more cracked up than i let on
still no sign of the wool but i got a delivery notice today so it's on the way, 2 weeks and counting for Saavedra.
It's really a bit early to fill this in
I mean I haven't been up an hour
I didn't sleep very well despite the dreams, i was either too warm or too cold, i hate that
I've set saiyuki up with english dub whilst i fill this in, god it's dire, the anime itself is very much go somewere defeat demon leave but the dub is atrocious
I will have a cup of coffee, I've decided
I don't have to weigh myself till monday and I have been listening to mr mckenna rather religiously, bored out of tree doing it but I have been doing it
part of me says stand o nthe scales and have a look but I can't imagine that would be a good idea
the strange period appears to have ended.
I can't put up with more of this dub
coffee
although starbucks gives me the squits |
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